My internship journey and lesson on trusting God

If you know me well, you know that I am stubborn, impatient, I hate asking for help, and have even more unflattering traits. But the trait I deal with the most is my constant struggle with trusting God about my future.

At Hood, Communication Arts majors are required to have a practicum or internship to graduate. So like a good student, I started hunting in early October. I got letters of recommendation from teachers, went to the career center for cover letter advice, and did plenty of research on possible internships. I applied to over half a dozen locations.

I never heard back from some, and for the rest I was turned down. I had family and friends reaching out to contacts to try and find me an internship for the Spring. But every door I tried was slammed in my face.

Winter break came along, and I was starting to lose steam in looking. I was discouraged, and I didn’t understand why God wasn’t shining a giant light on a internship location.

I had sent in my cover letter and resume to WRBS, my favorite Christian radio station. A month later, after thinking they had ignored me, they emailed me asking me to come and interview. I figured, WOW GOD!! You obviously closed every other door so that I could work at this station and hang out with a bunch of awesome Christians.

I went to the interview, and in my opinion, I had it in the bag. I told people it went so well, that if I didn’t get it, then the only reason would be that Jesus had returned and applied for the internship also. A week later, they emailed me saying that they were going in a different direction. They thought I had a lot of promise and they hoped I would succeed in wherever I ended up.

I was DEVASTATED. I had a week left until I started my last semester of college, and I was still internship-less, meaning graduation was up in the air. I was so angry and I kept crying. I told God I was giving him the silent treatment because of this. He obviously didn’t want me to meet famous musicians and spread the word of God.

The next day after I calmed down a bit, I remembered a friend of mine had posted an internship opening at the Chamber of Commerce months ago. It had looked interesting, but I wanted to get out of Frederick so I could make lots of contacts. Little did I know then just how many people contacts you make when you work at a chamber of commerce.

I emailed her, and they had me come in for an interview, and I got it. This was all during my first week of school. I kept getting emails and phone calls telling me that I wouldn’t be able to graduate or live in the dorms until I signed up for an internship. I got the paperwork in a day after the deadline, but thankfully they had no problem with it.

One of my best friends told me “Just wait, wouldn’t it be great if God just rocks your world with this internship?” And I think that he has some big plans for me this semester.

I kept thinking, God, why the heck do you ignore deadlines? Why did you let me freak out non stop and have breakdowns every week until the end of my first week of my last semester?

But then I thought back to winter break. At my young adult small group with my church, my pastor talked about fear. He said what we fear most is where we trust God the least. It also shows that what you fear the most is what you value the most in your life.

And I realized that my biggest fear is the unknown. I mean, I still sleep with my lights on because I am terrified of the dark. I fear it because I can’t see whats there, it is all unknown. I fear my future because it so unknown. I have no idea where I will be in three months.

I also realized that it means I value my future most right now. Which makes sense since I will be done college in less than 100 days. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but all I know is I want it to be spectacular.

God used my internship hunt as a tool for me to lean on him. Like I said at the beginning, I am stubborn and I don’t like asking for help. That goes double for going to God. When I began my internship hunt, I never went to God first asking for him to show me an internship and for me to go with his plan, not mine.

It took four months of non stop stress and anxiety to realize God was trying to tell me “Come here, rest in my arms, I got this. Don’t carry this burden all by yourself.”

Matthew 6:27 says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” I have read this verse hundreds of times, and still I struggle with it all the time. I always try to pretend like I am a person who takes life as it comes to me, but honestly, I just want a crystal ball so I can figure out what the heck my life will be.

I still struggle with trusting God with my future even after this fiasco. But I learned from this experience that I need to start going to him to ask for help, guidance, and rest. Life is a hot mess, and there is no way I can go day to day without him. If he needs to keep throwing these lessons into my life until I get it completely, then Jesus bring the rain, because I know he will never let me fall.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trillion Small
    Feb 09, 2013 @ 20:56:33

    Loved reading this blog post! I had the same experience with my practicum experience when I was working on my masters. I had started the hunt almost a year in advance but was turned down by everyone. At first I figured my awesomeness and credentials would get me in but God was truly showing me that HE was going to be the one to get me in the right place not ME!

    I too struggled with trusting God during this time because like you, I was past the deadline! The moment I said, “Okay, God I know this is the right program for me so I need your help with this” is the very moment He answered me. That very next day I got an email from the very first company that I applied for (who also told me no) and they said they had some openings…went in for the interview and got the position on spot!

    All He wants us to do is be like kids and just jump in His arms and trust him whole heartedly! When we try to do everything on our own is when we fail.

    The unknown is so uncomfortable but the mystery in itself is what makes trusting God all the more sweeter 🙂

    I pray your continued success in school & in life and that you will be able to fully trust God with every area of your life!

    Peace,

    Trillion

    Reply

  2. thebeautyproposal
    Feb 25, 2014 @ 12:29:47

    I had a very similar situation! Its super exciting and encouraging so to see God revealed and present through frustrating situations like these. Hope your internship goes well!

    Reply

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